Navigating the Waters
by mullinsb
Summary: Episode 3x02 and after Savis
1. Chapter 1

"I'm gonna ask you something and I need you to be straight" Ray said with an annoyance in his voice.

"If you're wondering who put the hairspray in your Jergens bottle, it wasn't me." Sonny said holding his hands up.

"You and Davis. How long?" Ray asked matter of factly.

"Come again?" Sonny asked

"How long have you two been playing house behind the team's back?"

Sonny sat and played the conversation over again in his head.

"I saw you two on the balcony earlier"

"So" Sonny replied

"So, it looked different" Ray threw back.

"Davis just ran her first op where we almost all got swacked. I stop by to give her some food and be supportive. That's what you saw" Sonny replied now annoyed

"That's not all I saw" Ray said shaking his head.

He needed something to punch so badly. This was going to be tougher to navigate than he anticipated. He wanted to knock Ray Perry off his high horse so badly. He thought about hitting the asphalt, then considered that he'd possibly have to explain to Lisa how his bloodied knuckles happened so he didn't. This is how Sonny Quinn knew he had changed. He wouldn't have cared or thought twice before about something like that before. He thought about their balcony conversation to replay in his head and see if there was anything said or done that could come back on them. He had thought about the encounter before going which he knew he'd need in case anyone did see them, that way he wouldn't be caught off guard.

Before getting food to take Lisa, he had thought it through. Risking her career is not something he would ever take recklessly. He had taken her food back other times when he had gone out, after all they were friends. This wouldn't be any different. If someone saw them, that would be his defense. She is a friend and he was trying to be supportive. Period. In reality, while he was trying to be supportive; he was also dying to be close to her even if he couldn't touch her. That bomb went off and she was the first thing he though about. It killed him that he couldn't embrace her or talk to her afterward. She seemed so nervous before they went out. He tried to assure her if something went sideways it wasn't her fault.

He pulled up her contact and sent a text asking her to meet him. She replied back that she would be on the balcony.

Lisa didn't know what Sonny wanted, and they had agreed there would be no messing around during work. When she got his text she didn't think about saying no, or that it wasn't a good time. She just wanted to see him, even if only briefly. "I'm going to step outside for a minute, wake up some" she told Blackburn as she walked out. Waiting on the balcony, her mind began to overthink it. They can't do this. They can't meet while working. People would notice. She had to consciously stop herself from looking at just him in briefings. She had to stop herself from smiling when he came across coms. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him- which in part is what lead her out here and that was not good. She had to be firm.

"Hey". She hears him say as he walks through the door and sets a bag of food down.

"Sonny you can't keep doing this" she tells him firmly as she rubs her wrist.

"What?" he asked innocently "I've brought you food before we were…you know. How's it different now?" he replied confused.

"It's entirely different. We are entirely different" she snaps unintentionally. "People are going to see right through it"

"Well what's there to see? I just came to check on you. You seemed a little anxious before we rolled out."

"I was fine" she shrugged looking away.

"Look at me. I get it. Ok? That bomb going off, it made me really want to see you."

Any wall she was attempting to build just crumbled. She stepped closer. "I'm glad you're ok. Everybody's ok." Sonny Quinn had a way of letting her be vulnerable without making her feeling weak and that's what made keeping him at a distance so hard.

Sonny reached up placed his hand on her upper arm. Before he even realized it his had moved to the side of her face as he ran his thumb across her cheek before pushing her hair back. It took every ounce of restraint in him not to kiss her. He had to move his hand down to prevent himself from taking this farther.

"I've got to get back to work." She says placing her hand on the food bag. He brushes her hair back on the side of her face but stops as he catches himself again. "Heads up you've got to spin up soon." She tells him as she gently hits his arm. "Get your head right"

"yes ma'am" he replies turning back to look off the balcony. This was so much tougher than he imagined it would be. Given the alternative though, he wouldn't have it any other way.

One kiss. One really long kiss. One really long kiss that lead to no clothes- that's what he needed. He closed his eyes. "FOCUS" Taking a deep breath he walked back in to prepare for their spin up.

Lisa headed back inside, making herself leave before one of them gave in to the gravity pulling them closer. He somehow knew how to cut through every layer she wanted to hide behind. She tried her best to fight it, but it was becoming harder and harder to deny that she had fallen so hard.

On the plane home, Jason congratulated Lisa on her first mission and everyone raised their beer. Sonny knew Ray was being watchful so he had been mindful of looking her way or talking to her.

Lisa felt Sonny being distant and she was afraid it was due to her snapping at him on the balcony. Walking over by him she asked "You ducking me Quinn?"

"Hey, you know… uh, just being mindful while we're still on the clock." He responds

"Trickier than we figured isn't it?" She asked taking a sip of her beer.

"Neither of us joined the Navy cause we liked easy" he replies with his classic Sonny grin.

She can't help but smile as she nods and they clink their bottles. Sonny see's Ray over head being not so covert about watching them.

He decides it's best to go nap on their way home to avoid any trouble.

Getting back, the guys go through their briefing. Lisa has a separate one to write up also. Sonny hoped to pass her on his way out but didn't and was being very careful of being watched so he didn't want to go look for her.

Walking into his apartment his anger from remembering the conversation with Ray was just as fresh as the moment it happened. Maybe even worse. Now he had thought about the times he didn't say anything when Ray was obviously in the wrong. Ray had no proof that Sonny was.

He looked at the phone and thought about texting Lisa, but he wasn't sure if she was still on base. This had him feeling very uneasy about the situation, not so much for himself but for her.

He decided to go for a ride and as he opened the door, on the other side stood Lisa Davis about to knock. "Ah" she stepped back and laughed. "Oh.. ha ha, hey there" he smiled and stepped back for her to come in.

"You going somewhere?" she asked

"Oh, no" he said tossing his keys on the counter. "I was just restless and looking for something to do" he responded, the frustration still in his voice.

She closed the gap between them and kissed him.

It should have made him feel better but didn't and she could tell something was up. She wondered if it was their balcony conversation. "I'm sorry for the balcony today- I didn't mean to come off like I did. This job is just very different and I'm trying to find my footing" she explained.

"It's not you. I understand what you're saying" he replied leaning back on the counter.

"Did someone say something?" Lisa asked

"Hmph" Sonny took off his hat and sat it on the counter.

"What happened?" she asked

Sonny didn't want to answer. He was afraid that she would get nervous and leave or tell him it was over. He wanted to punch Ray Perry so badly right now.

"Nothing" he told her

"Sonny" she said quietly as she took his hand in hers. "This works boths ways. You have to talk to me too"

Sonny stood silent for a minute.

"Apparently Ray was somewhere in hearing vicinity of us when we were on the balcony."

Lisa unconsciously let go of Sonny's hand and placed her hand on her forehead.

Sonny felt like he had just shot her. His hand went cold and his heart was beating fast.

"He didn't see anything." Sonny tried to assure her.

Lisa nodded and bit her lip thinking. "What did he say?" she asked

Sonny laughed out of pure frustration.

"It's not funny, what did he say?" she asked again.

"It's not funny. It's not funny at all" he ran his hand through his hair. "He asked how long we have been playing house behind the team's back. I told him the time change and jetlag was making him delusional. He said he saw us on the balcony and I said- so? He said "so it was different" and I explained that we had just gotten off a mission where we were all almost blown up and I was being supportive to see if you were ok. I told him we were working and it wasn't the time for his un-founded accusations" Sonny told her.

Lisa stood there nodding and he could see she was starting to over analyze this.

He stomped his foot in frustration. "And it pisses me off that I can have his back- on a mission, or when his shoulder was hurt and he literally put us all in danger. Even after that when Jason was mad, I NEVER turned my back on Ray. There was nothing on that balcony that was inappropriate or out of line and he wants to question me?! I think Naima would like to question him about his lady friend at the bar in Guam. Maybe I should ask him about that because I'm pretty sure that while no actual lines were crossed Naima wouldn't see it that way. I am so sick of his holier than thou attitude especially when it's not something that is actually affecting him AT ALL." Sonny said letting it all out. "Spenser is CONSTANTLY questioning Ray's abilities and you know what, sometimes he's right. But do I egg it on? NO. I don't. Not once have I said anything negative about him. When he beat the crap out of our target and I got blamed I didn't go after him. I didn't even say it was him. I just said it wasn't me."

Lisa couldn't remember the last time she had seen Sonny this angry at someone. "It's a bunch of bullsh-t and I'm so tired of it" He said angrily as he could feel the anger seeping out of him. He went to walk into the living room when Lisa grabbed his arm. He didn't want to look at her, he was too afraid of the words she might say. He clenched his jaw to stop the water in his eyes from actually falling. "I'm sorry" he said in almost a whisper. "I had thought it through before I brought you food. I didn't think it would be a big deal"

"Sonny" she replied placing her hand on the side of his face so she could make him face her.

He shook his head not wanting to talk anymore. "Sonny look at me"

He reluctantly looked her in the eyes, a burning sensation in his throat trying to hold in the emotion he was fighting. He didn't want to lose her and the thought of that made him feel helpless- a feeling he wasn't all that used to.

Lisa could see that he was overwhelmed and frustrated. Ray must've heard her say that they were different and that's where it came from. Now wasn't the time to explain that though. She reached up and kissed Sonny wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm.." he began before she put her finger over his lips. "We're all alone. I don't want to talk about Ray, the boys, or anybody else." She explained as she unbuttoned his shirt. "I have waited days to be this close to you. I wanted to crawl into bed with you so badly" she told him as she kissed his neck. "So how about we take care of these pent-up frustrations?" she said stepping back and removing her shirt. "Mmmhmm" Sonny replied picking her up and kissing her as he made his way to wards the bedroom.

These waters might get rough, but as long as they navigate them together, everything will be ok.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the feedback and reviews! It is very very appreciated So, I had to get a little creative here since he didn't tell her about Ray lol. Part of this is obviously from 3x03 and then filler for what was left out. Also, the suite that is being described is actually one at a hotel in Monterey, California at the oldmontereyinn brightstone-suite if you want to see it.I couldn't find any in Richmond that I felt would match up to what I think he would have done so I had to improvise some. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

For the last two hours Sonny had been sitting front of his laptop searching. Finally, he found the one he wanted. He reached over and grabbed his cellphone to dial a number.

"Good Morning, Thank you for calling the Old Richmond Inn. How can I help you?" the woman asked

"Uh, Hi. I was looking online at your um website and was interested in maybe booking a room" he said now pacing the floor in his apartment. "It's for, um, my girlfriend and I, I um, want to do something really special. Do you know what I mean?" he asked unsure.

"Yes sir. I can help you with that. We have a few different rooms available. There's a garden view, some with balconies, is there something specific you're looking for? She asked

"Actually, I was thinking about the um Brightstone Suite?" he tells her as he squinches is nose up and runs his fingers through his hair unsure of the territory he's wondered into. "That's the one with the fireplace and jacuzzi for two?" he described.

"Oh, that one is so nice! It overlooks our gardens, there's fountains that you can see outside the windows and on the balcony. It also has a beautiful mahogany bed, hydro-thermo massage tub for two that is next to a fireplace." She explained

"And can I um add the champagne and truffles for in the room?" he asked the nervousness reflected in his voice.

"Of course!" the woman replied, "This must be a very special girlfriend" she commented.

"Yeah, she's um, pretty amazing" he said smiling. "I've never done anything like this for someone and I want to make sure this is good. You know, something that she'll really like" he tried to explain.

"Yes sir, I understand. You've picked the perfect room for that. I can even have some candles added in for you if you're coming in during the evening," she offered.

Sonny took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be good. Um. Yeah. Can we do that?" he replied

"Sure thing. I'll give you the number for the front desk to text and let us know you're on your way."

"Thank you. I really appreciate this. Really."

"I'm happy to help! Let's get this booked for you." She replied getting the information from him.

He was so excited but had to hold it in. He had a full day of work and training to get through. He wanted so badly to be able to go out on just a regular date with Lisa without worrying about being seen.

Jason pushed them hard that morning and he ached but that wouldn't stop him from looking forward to being with Lisa. He saw her walking down the hall but had to wait until she turned the corner to try and get her attention.

"Davis. Ensign Davis" he called out.

Lisa turned around and smiled.

"What a nice surprise Petty Officer. You headed my way?" she asked cheerfully

"Um, no ma'am us enlisted we don't keep bankers hours like you officers do" he said opening the team room and gesturing for her to follow.

He took a quick peak to make sure all the guys were gone.

"Besides I uh, I got us this really nice reservations at this really nice restaurant in Richmond," he said with a smile.

"That's a hundred miles away," she said smiling

"Yeah well you know I don't want anyone to spot us"

"That is very smart, but since when are you risk adverse?" she asked

"I'm not risk adverse" he laughed "but we've both got a lot to lose here"

"You getting cold feet on me? What's got you all shook up?" she asked trying to joke but legitimately worried that he was getting scared and wanted to back out. This job was hard enough, but he helped keep her going and if she were honest with herself, she doesn't know what she'd do if he broke it off. She had never been in a relationship where she let someone in this close before.

"No, you made a good point before, you know just doing what we did before it's different now. Cause it is." He says looking at her hoping that she reads between the lines of what he is saying. He needs her to understand that he does know their relationship has changed and is so much more than it was as just friends.

"I knew I was going to wizen you up" she said tilting the bill of his hat down laughing.

"You did huh?" he laughed He loved it when she messed with her hat and couldn't deny that she made him look at life in a whole new way than before.

"Well you just wait and see…" he starts the pride evident in his voice, "This hotel suite I got us." He says feeling confident that she is going to love it.

"A suite huh?" she said intrigued

"You're an officer now, gotta step my game up"

"Yeah. Huddle up Quinn." She says with a grin as she turns to leave.

Once the door shuts, Sonny in his excitement lets out a "yes!" excited that she is on board to go. On the other side of the door Lisa wants to squeal in excitement. Part of her can't believe he planned all of this. She walks down the hall with a very wide, obvious smile on her face and no matter how many times she tries to remind herself to act normal it creeps back up. It's a good thing it was time to go home and pack an overnight bag.

Sonny left a short time later to get his things and get ready. He took longer than most men should (in his opinion) to decide what to wear. He even ironed his shirt. He put on his trusty cowboy hat, then took it off, after all you aren't supposed to wear hats at a proper dinner table.

"Alright Quinn, get it together" he tells himself looking in the mirror. He grabs his truck keys and bag to head out the door. He sent a text to Lisa letting her know he'd be there in fifteen.

Sonny was almost a textbook Texan, if that is a thing. He knows how to appreciate fine things but also realizes when it doesn't matter. To most, that makes him come off a just 'some redneck.' He doesn't typically feel the need to impress anyone- what you see is what you get and if you don't like it, then you can leave. He has a top of the line Harley, but for this trip chooses his 1990 Ford F150 pick-up. It's by no means fancy, but it's reliable, after all he's had it since he was 17 and bought it used. He had saved forever for it and it's one of the few things that he found dependable in life. Plus, it had a bench seat in the front so if Davis decided to scoot over and sit beside him she could. The thought of that made him smile. Then again, maybe that was just movies where it happened.

Lisa looked in the mirror at her green dress and ran her hands over it. Would he like it? Does she look good? There were so many questions running through her head. "Maybe I should go with jeans" she said out loud. Sonny isn't the dress up type, but he sounded so excited over this. She smiled at the thought. "Maybe jeans and a dressy top" she thought, and figured it would be a nice compromise between casual and dressy. Just as she started to grab some jeans she heard a knock. "Oh crap" she says looking at her watch and realizing how much time has passed.

She opens the door and Sonny catches his breath, "You look amazing" he tells her with a smile as he sticks his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. Even now, almost nine months later there was still a nervousness in him that was adorable. "Thank you" she smiles before adding, "you clean up pretty nice yourself" and gives him a kiss.

"I'm ready, let me grab my bag and purse" she smiles. After the look he gave, she is definitely sticking with the dress.

Getting on the road she looks over, "Sonny, you know, this is a really nice idea but you shouldn't be spending this kind of money" she tells him. She isn't sure what to expect but knows him well enough to know he's excited over what he has planned out and he's put a lot of effort into it. What she didn't expect, was what he'd say next.

"Well, to tell you the truth, uh, I ain't never done anything like this for anyone before." Something about her just makes him admit things. She looks over at him and a smile creeps on her face.

"It's kind of nice getting all gussied up" he jokes to lighten the mood. "I even febreezed my shirt for you…"he laughs

"Oh my" she pretends to be impressed

"Blueberry" he says sniffing the shirt and chuckles

She laughs and looks over "feels like a fancy first date"

"Mmhmm" he replies "Except this first date is a sure thing" he says looking over at her.

She swats his arm as he laughs. "Sonny, you're stupid" she jokes

He wonders if he should have went there or not. "Did I just ruin it? Crap. She laughed, so that was good..right?" he thinks as his eyes are focused on the road.

"So should we, um," she starts, clearing her throat as she unbuckles her seat belt to move closer to him, "I don't know, go over to that hotel and check out that swanky suite you were telling me about?" He puts his arm around her as she moves closer. She places one hand on his knee and holds his "I'm mad at you finger" with her other hand. Sonny is pretty sure if he died right this second, it'd be ok because this moment was heaven. He wants to look over at tell her he loves her….but now isn't the time.

"Well, swanky might have under sold it. This uh, hotel, would make an old man very proud. There's a Jacuzzi, a fireplace." Lisa looks at him "if there is carpet anywhere other than the floor I'm leaving" she jokes. He quickly replies, "I'd be disappointed if you didn't" as they both laugh. Her hand is still holding his that is over her shoulder and he contemplates again telling her how he feels when her phone dings. She reaches over and grabs it from her purse.

"Oh, we have a new target package coming in" she glances over.  
"I didn't get paged" he replies more as a reflex that thinking about why.

"It's intel so I get read in before the team" she replies scooting back to her side of the truck.

Sonny's heart sinks some as he moves his arm from around her back to the steering wheel. He glances over at her.

Lisa looks at the phone again then over at Sonny. "I've got to go back, I'm sorry"

"Alright. Hey, it's alright Davis, don't be sorry… these things happen" he tells her making sure that he hides his disappointment. He knows she can't help it, the job is what it is; and he doesn't want her to go in feeling bad about it. He turns the truck around to get her back to her apartment. The ride back is quiet, Lisa is stressing because she's farther away than she normally would have been. Sonny glances over and can see she's in deep thought. He feels guilty because this was his idea and now she's rushed. He pulls into the apartment complex parking lot near her building. "I've got to run inside and change real quick so I can head over. I'll see you shortly, I'm sure" she tells him as she grabs her purse and jumps out shutting the door.

Sonny sits there for a second and looks at the steering wheel. "This sucks" he thinks to himself. Just as his brain starts to over analyze everything his truck door suddenly opens and Lisa puts her hands on the sides of his face and pulls him close for a passionate kiss. "I'm sorry, I was really looking forward to this with you." She tells him as she steps back.

"It's ok Lisa. Go." He tells her with a smile. She turns as he watches as she gets inside before pulling out and leaving. He calls to cancel the hotel reservation explaining that he's military and they are being called in. He got the same woman at the front desk that he spoke to earlier when booking. Normally they'd never do a refund on a late cancellation but he had explained it was because he was military. "I'm so sorry Mr. Quinn, I know this was special. If you decide to re-book later call me directly and I will get it all set up" she tells him.

"Thank you, I appreciate that a lot." Sonny replies hoping that he does get the opportunity to book it again.

Lisa rushes and hits every red light between her apartment and the base. Walking towards the briefing room she makes sure she has the lipstick wiped off her face. She's running late and is too new to be doing things like that. She quickly puts in her code and makes her way into the briefing that has already begun. Glancing over at Blackburn he looks at his watch and she then looks back to the officer sharing the intel. Her stomach sinks. "Please don't ask me where I was" she thinks to herself. Shortly after the intel is given, the guys are called in. Heading to the plane Davis walks with Blackburn. "Sir, I'm sorry I was late; I was in the middle of something and hurried as quickly as I could, I got stopped by every light on the way" she explained. "It's ok Davis, it happens." He pats her on the shoulder.

Once the boys are on the ground, the situation is more complicated that first thought. "Somebody missed something big here" Blackburn says as Lisa she looks into what is going on. He isn't directing his statement towards her, but she takes it as such. The fact that her team, was out there facing fire because of what was missed she took responsibility for. She had seen Jason take off Mandy's head more than once for intel. In the few missions she had run since starting her new role, he didn't cut her any slack.

"I don't like all these maybes" he said in Syria. "Then you're in the wrong business" she shot back standing her ground. No one else knew her stomach was in knots as she told him that but it was. She had spent her lifetime not letting anyone see what was actually getting to her. She was independent and capable no matter what. She had to be.

Lisa found what had been missed, thanks to a photo Ray got of them of one of the combatants they took out. "I think I know why we're facing so much resistance," she tells Blackburn as he comes over.

She can hear the firefight over the radio, as she looks at the computer screen trying to figure out how to get them to the transformers. After everything is cleared and they are back in the air she sits in the front of the plane on a bench looking at the intel again to find what she missed. Blackburn comes over with coffee and takes the folder to sit it down as he takes a seat beside her.

"I should have seen the Iranian angle" she admits.

"Why? No one else did" he ask "There was no intel to indicate it and you can't interpret what's not there. There's always going to be unknowns on targets Davis" he explains

"My job is to be better than that" she replies honestly feeling that it was all on her.

"Beat yourself up all you want" Blackburn says as he stands, "But you can't connect dots that aren't there"

She is smart and analytical. She should have thought about other possible angels. What if one of the boys had gotten killed because of her incomplete intel? She couldn't fail, she won't let herself. There was no harder judge on Lisa Davis than Lisa Davis herself.

Getting back in she heads to the briefing room as she is still beating herself up over what happened. She walked quickly wanting to avoid especially Jason.

"Ensign Davis" Sonny calls out as she stops for him to catch up.

"As our lovely evening was cut short, may I suggest that we pick up where we left off, with some dinner? Finish up with some breakfast?"

She smiles at the thought, "mmm. Well I would love to but I've got a debrief they're waiting for me in the Ops center" she tells him.

"Roger that" he replies stepping back. "Raincheck"

She smiles and whispers back "sure."

After he turns to leave the smile fades, she has a debrief but it won't last long. She plans on combing through this again to see how the Iranian angle was missed. She is determined to not have a mistake like this come across again. Mandy believes it's because Lisa needs walls and is so close to Bravo. Truth is, Lisa holds herself to high expectations, maybe too high, and regardless if it were Bravo or people she had just met- she does not like being the one that appears unprepared.

After turning in her mission notes, she walks into one of the ops rooms, turns on a lamp and begins to re-read all of the information and research through it again to figure out how to avoid a repeat. The next time she looked at the clock it was 3 am. "Ugh" she rubbed her eyes. Turning off the computer, she put her files in her bag to head home. She was exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Maybe she could not handle this. Maybe she wasn't cut out for it after all.

Getting inside the apartment she sat her bag down went to the bedroom without turning any other lights on. She turned on the bathroom light to take a quick shower when the overnight bag on her bed caught her eye. They were supposed to be in Richmond. She smiled at the thought of how excited Sonny seemed. He had never planned anything like that for someone before. "Hmm" she bit her lip thinking about it. Getting into the shower, she let the water run over her. Her date was ruined, her mission went out of control, and at the moment it all seemed too overwhelming. She stood and cried as the water from the shower hid the tears.

She wanted to have taken Sonny up on his offer for dinner and breakfast, but work before play. After all his life was one of those dependent on her doing her job correctly. She dried off, put on some pajamas and crawled into bed. Looking at the clock, it was 4:30. She had about an hour and a half to get some sleep before it started all over again.

She woke up with the alarm and rubbed her eyes. "Just a few more minutes" she thought before getting up. Looking at her phone she saw a missed text from Sonny at around 23:00 hours. "You always have a key. Night " She smiled, they had started either talking at the end of the night or sending a text to say goodnight when she was in OCS. She felt bad for missing it. "batting a thousand here Davis" she told herself. "Thank you (heart emoji), sorry I just got this… it was a late night" she explained. As she hit send there was a knock at the door. She didn't think Sonny would be stopping by and wasn't sure who else would come by this early.

She opened the door and was greeted by a stranger holding a rose, a coffee and a white bakery bag. "Hi, Lisa Davis?" the person asked.

"Um, yeah" she said thrown off guard.

"This is for you" they handed her the items. "Have a nice day" they said turning to leave.

"Thank you?" Lisa said unsure. She shut the door behind her and walked over to the counter. Inside the bag was a note-

"You probably had a late night, wanted to make sure you had some fuel to keep you going"

She smiled and shook her head. Sitting the note down she pulled out a pastry, one of her favorites of course, from the bakery she and Sonny would sometimes visit. On the coffee cup there was a scribbled note "Two Sugars- just how you like it " which was a joke between them after she had accidentally taken a drink of his sugarless coffee.

She closed her eyes. "I don't deserve this" she thought to herself as she picked up the phone.

"You are amazing and wonderful. Seriously. Thank you for breakfast" She typed in a text to Sonny.

A second later she got a reply, "You're pretty amazing yourself"

Lisa laughed. He somehow manages to make her feel like it's going to be ok, and even when she's not sure she has it in her, he is the one to make sure she knows that she does. Shaking her head, she takes a bite of the pastry and goes to get ready to head in.


	3. Chapter 3

"Never thought I'd be jealous of paperwork." Sonny said with a chuckle. "The hours you've been drowning with egg heads. You starting to change?" he asked half kidding

"I'm sorry about last night" she replies with a smile

"The enemy isn't considerate of our social schedule" he tries making light of it

"Well, I'll make it up to you" she tells him as they walk

"Oh yeah?" he ask trying to hold in his excitement

"Yeah, I got us tickets to the Long Branch Rodeo"

"ooh wee" he replies

"I figured it would be good to get out of these walls."

"Red meat and rope time is the quickest way to this Texas boys heart. I can't wait"

"Good" she says smiling.

As they stand there Ray walks by and nods "Ensign Davis" then looks at Sonny "Petty Officer Quinn" he throws a look Sonny's way.

"What was that about?" Lisa looks at Sonny and ask.

"You know, he's just pushing" Sonny replies

"Did he say something else? I thought you had cleared that up" she says looking concerned

"He just, you know I've just blown it off" Sonny stumbles with his explanation.  
Lisa's phone dings cutting the conversation short. "This is not good Sonny. Not good" she tells him as she walks away.

Sonny's heart falls to his stomach. "Ugh" he takes a deep breath before heading towards his cage. That ding on Lisa's phone probably meant they'd be in a briefing soon.

Just as he suspected a short time later, they were called in. Lisa went over the scenario. There are three hostages that they'll be sent in to rescue but right now the ship is somewhere in the South China Sea. Sonny looks down at his briefing "and you don't know where" he says out loud. Lisa silently takes offense and feels that he is questioning her abilities. "Ensign Davis will find the ship and we will go in and rescue" Blackburn follows with confidently.

The team goes over the possibilities, Sonny says "It's risky" causing Ray to comment "I thought you liked risky." Sonny ignores it although he does not really want to. He can't put Lisa in jeopardy and that's what he would be doing. "Alright let's get started training" Jason tells them and they get up to leave.

Attempt after attempt it is mission failure. The team isn't communicating and is having trouble overcoming the issues that arise. Jason accuses Sonny of being too into his "new broad" to be giving it all to the mission. Sonny feels like Jason is pushing because he's got nothing in his personal life to help balance him. "We're on lock down until we get this right. Nobody leaves!" Jason tells them angrily.

Sonny catches Lisa in the hallway. "Hey, I just wanted to clear the air" he tells her.

"Not at work Sonny" she looks over as she continues walking.  
"Ok well where, else are we gonna do it?" he asks legitimately. Recently she had been spending so much time in paperwork they hadn't seen each other outside those walls. He understood completely, but also didn't want to carry this around.

"Does Ray know?" she asked

"No, I told you he saw us in Serbia and asked" he replies

"And you made it sound like that was the end of it"

"It was"

"That's not what it sounded like earlier. Is this why you wanted to go to Richmond last month? You know I almost missed a briefing because of that"

"What do you mean?" Sonny asked caught off guard "Lisa people go to Richmond, they go to dinner, they miss things"

"Sonny we are walking in a mine field. The least that you could do is tell me where the mines are. This relationship is hard enough but it's going to be impossible if I can't trust you"

"You're telling me you can't trust me? You're in your head Lisa and you need to relax"

"Don't tell me what to do" she snaps back.

In frustration Sonny laughs. "What is your problem?

"You're not listening. That is my problem" she snaps, being short with him

"wow"

"I can't do this right now. We've got 14 people that are depending on us" she says angrily.

"We do" he agrees.

"Ok" she turns and walks away.

"Roger that" Sonny says heading back to training.

He didn't think their relationship was difficult. In fact, he thought it was pretty good. He was trying to be patient and give her space knowing that she was in a new position and that it was tough, however the insinuation that she couldn't trust him is where he drew the line.

As they headed towards the mission, and got a last briefing from Jason, Sonny walked away glancing back once more at Lisa who was sitting on the bench. She made eye contact but quickly looked away. She still looked mad and he didn't completely understand why. Now was not the time to try and figure it out though, he'd be walking into the unknown soon and needed to get his head straight.

The plane ride back he mostly slept, or pretended to. He understood why she was upset over Ray, but he was confident that they could get past it. He just had to make her understand that.

Getting back to base and carrying his bag in he gets a text. "We need to talk. I'll meet you at your truck." He wasn't sure what to expect.

He can see that she's already sitting in the truck as he heads to it throwing his bag in the bed. He isn't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He gets in, adjust his ballcap. There's an weird tension, so he finally talks.

"I don't get it. What's the matter"

"We are Sonny."

"Oh hold on now. The whole week was off, everybody was off"

"It isn't just this week. one week. It's every day of every week. This is our life now"

"It's not a bad life"

"It's not a life. It's a lie. We're stealing conversations, hiding how we feel. Sneaking out of town. Worrying about if our friends find out because if this comes out our careers are done.

"After all we've been through, it's the damn job" he says looking over at her.

"it's not JUST a job Sonny, lives are at stake" she snaps back

"Yeah I'm aware of that" he replies looking straight ahead again.

"We have not been ourselves on the clock the past few days. What happens when the stakes get real for us as a couple?"

"The stakes are real for us Lisa." He explains, offended that she doesn't see it that way. "We just crushed that op. When the chips were down every damn person stepped up. Look at me. We can get through this."

"We can't be together Sonny" she tells him in what is almost a whisper

"Are you saying it's over?" he ask, not able to look at her

"You are my best friend. I thought we could handle this, but we can't. Not as long as were both in DEVGRU. I'm sorry."

Before he can say anything, she gets out of the truck and shuts the door. He sits there for a second and looks at her before cranking up the truck and pulling out. He looks at her in the rearview mirror as he pulls away. He didn't see this coming. Clenching his fist he tries to keep himself from crying. It feels like someone has sucker punched him in the face followed by a bull kick to the gut. She had made up her mind and he was not going to be able to change it. He loved her, but that wasn't going to make a difference if he told her. Then it would be his fault alone for anything that happened.

The deep insecurities of not being enough and being rejected were all weighing on him at once. He had given this relationship all that he had and it just blew up right in his face. Never again he thought. Never again

.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N… I hate this Savis pause. I call it a pause because I refuse to believe it's permanent.

Lisa walked into her empty apartment and wiped the tears from her face. She turned on the lights and walked through to her room to take a shower. Laying over the dresser was one of Sonny's white t-shirts, in the bathroom there were two toothbrushes. She had no choice, if Ray said something to anyone their careers would be over. People were entrusting her with their lives and the life she and Sonny was living was dishonest. All the sneaking, all the trying to avoid their friends…wasn't working. She had to be strong. She wiped her tears and stared into the mirror, Get it together Lisa. This is about more than just you"

Sonny drank, then drank some more. This hurt, worse than anything he had ever felt before. There was no one for him to tell or to talk about it with. He was pretty sure he wanted to just die. The team had the next day off, and he decided to hit a local gym where some locals did their MMA training. It wasn't so much that he thought he could beat one of them, it's that the only thing that made him feel better and actually feel anything was having the crap beat out of him. He had gotten a text from Jason to come in and showed up, black eye and all.

"Look at you, nice eyeliner there, you forget the rules of the Champage Room?"

"Reach for some forbidden fruit there?"

"Yeah right Sonny hasn't reached for a piece of fruit in his life" Clay joked.

"Is there a reason why we're here? Unless Scarlet Johansen is in a charitable mood I'm going back to bed" Sonny said changing the subject.

"You're not going back to bed. We're running some drills" Jason replied

When Ray arrived with the new guy he looked at Sonny "Oh damn Sonny who did that to you? And how would you like to be our new breacher?" he laughed

"At least this guy hit me from the front Ray" Sonny replied

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ray asked as the other guys looked on

"You tell me, since you're so interested in my business" Sonny responded cool but annoyed.

"Something gnawing at you Sonny you wanna share with the group?" Jason asked

"Nah, I'm over it" Sonny replied not wanting to get into it.

Sonny walked into the briefing room and took his normal seat. He avoided looking directly at Lisa. He was normally good at compartmentalizing things, but she had invaded every aspect of his life. There was not line of personal and professional, he couldn't escape her.

Lisa noticed Sonny's eye and her heart sank. Sonny had been known to tailspin when things were rough or he felt antsy and she was the cause of this. She had to focus on the briefing and get out the information that she needed to give.

Jason advised Ray to head it up as they were sending a two-man team first before everyone would join them. Sonny volunteered to go, which was a shock to everyone involved. "Someone got you running Sonny?" Blackburn asked. Lisa felt a panic involuntarily run over her. "Nah, I'd just rather get in trouble there than here" he replied. Ray declined Sonny's offer and told Spencer to pack his bags. Sonny walked out even madder than he initially was at Ray. It was just further proof in his eyes that Ray had no confidence in him at all.

Lisa was talking to someone in the hall when she saw Sonny go by. "Hey" she called out.

"I don't want you hurting yourself" she said walking beside him and he looked straight ahead. "You know how sorry I am. It's not like I wanted this." She explained as he refused to react at all and kept walking forward. "It hasn't been easy for me either and I get it, you're angry" she continued when he stopped. "Angry? Have I ever been angry with you?" he stopped and asked. She stood in front of him, "No but look at your face. You're spinning out, you're throwing hands in bars. You don't need to do that" she told him concerned. She knew how he worked and the thought that she caused it was killing her. Sonny looked her in the eye, and calmly replied "you're opinion of what I need to do ended when we did" he said as he stepped around her to leave. Lisa stood there for a second, angry and hurt before turning to see that he was gone. She went to the ladies room and leaned against the stall to fight her tears. This wasn't her choice. It wasn't that she didn't miss him, didn't think about him. Why was she the bad guy? She had told him from the start they were playing with fire. She wiped her face, and did her best to add another brick to the wall she was building around herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Mandy walked into the briefing room wearing a burnt orange University of Texas T-shirt under her jacket. Sonny threw his hands up with a "hook 'em horns" sign in victory. "Oh YEAH" he said with a laugh. Clay shook his head and laughed, Ray put his hand over his mouth and stifled a laugh. Jason stood hands on his hips shaking his head chuckling. "Get it over with!" Mandy said holding her hands up in surrender and pulling back a chair. Blackburn and Davis looked on from the front of the room. "There has got to be an excellent story" Blackburn said looking at Mandy then Sonny. Lisa bit the inside of her mouth trying to hold in any emotion fighting to get out. Sonny had a full-on grin across his face. There as even a bit of a sparkle in his eye…one that Lisa had not seen since they had broken it off. She felt anger boiling up inside of her.

"Let's just say Miss Mandy lost a bet" Sonny laughed. Before the story could be told, Lisa spoke up "We should probably get this started" she said in a monotone, not amused voice.

"Wheels up in two hours" Blackburn concluded. On the way out Sonny stopped and looked at Mandy as she was talking to Jason. "Orange is your color" he joked as he passed. Mandy playfully stuck her tongue out at him and then continued talking to Jason. As the team walked out, Blackburn looked over at Davis. "You ok? Is there something going on?" he asked "I'm fine" Davis replied bluntly picking up a couple of folders "we've got things to do thought and I don't have time for stupid sh*t" she told him as she headed out the door.

Never had Davis ever wanted to hit something so badly. She had her bag packed and was making sure she had all of the needed intel files that were to be carried with her and she made her way towards the plane. Walking into the plane she could see Clay taking a picture of Mandy and Sonny as they stood, Sonny's arm around Mandy's waist and his other hand pointing at her shirt. Davis didn't realize it but Blackburn had come up beside her. "You want to talk about it?" he asked. "About what?" she asked confused. "Where ever your head is. I need my intel officer to be in the game" he told her concerned. "I'm here" she nodded as she went up towards the front of the plane and pulled out her laptop.

"OK now the back!" Sonny said laughing. Mandy rolled her eyes. "A bet is a bet" Jason told her. She took off the jacket and turned around. The back of the shirt said BRAVO 3-a across the top. Sonny pulled a toothpick out of his pocket. "Here, you need this too" he said handing it to her. "Is it used?" she asked curling up her nose. "Seriously?" Sonny asked in mock offense "Would I do that?" he asked. "Yes" all of the guys chimed in. "Ok, ok. But to answer you, it has never been used"

Blackburn watched the exchange and finally asked what was going on. "For the first time in… well, ever- Sonny has won a bet" Jason explained. "And now I shall never live it down" Mandy chimed in. "So, Miss Mandy here is designated at Bravo 3a, when I am not there she will step in for me." Sonny explained. "Bet you didn't know she was a door kicker!" he added with a nod. Mandy shook her head in a nod and laughed. "Being behind a computer screen was always boring for me and I hate doing the work to hand it off" she shrugged.

Mandy had become one of them. She would occasionally come out for drinks when she was in town and because of her new field role was much more active and able to interact more with the guys which was a part of her new role that made the job fun again and something that didn't cause her knots in her stomach. It's not to say there wasn't stress, but at least it wasn't all stress.

Mandy walked up and sat beside Davis. "Hey" She smiled as Davis looked up from her computer screen. "Hey" Davis greeted briefly looking up. "How's it going?" Mandy asked watching. "Fine. Just busy" Davis replied not looking up. Mandy could feel the tension, it was think enough you could cut it with a knife. "The other night I met the guys out for drinks and Sonny and I had made a bet which I lost, obviously" she said pointing at the shirt and rolling her eyes, "so this was my result" she explained with a laugh trying to lighten the mood some. "You know, Sonny comes off as this jackass, macho man but he's not at all. Like, at all" she continued shaking her head at the thought. "Yeah, I'd love to chat, but I've got to get some stuff done before we land" Lisa told her in an irritated tone. "Oh, of course, I'm sorry." Mandy apologized. "If there's anything I can help with let me know" Mandy said sincerely. She could tell Davis was annoyed and it probably didn't help that Mandy mentioned she had been hanging out with the team. Previously this was something that due to her position, Mandy never allowed herself to do. Now, it was Lisa on the other side of that wall.

Lisa could feel her face getting hot. She felt alone and isolated and…bitter. Blackburn came up as Lisa was typing. "What did it to to you?" he asked "Sir?" she asked confused. "The keyboard. You're typing like it's a punching bag" he said sitting down. She rested her head back. "No, I'm just trying to get some work done" she replied.

"You have to take care of you to. You can't let this run you into the ground." He told her. "I know, I'm not. I just want to get this completed." She explained. "Can I be straight with you?" he asked. "Of course," she sat up straight not knowing what to expect. "You seemed pretty ticked earlier in the briefing, and looked like you could have knocked Mandy's head off her shoulders a few minutes ago"

"I… I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose. I have just tried so hard to stay focused on the task in front of me." She explained. "And it sucks that all your friends get to go out while you're stuck inside" Blackburn stated. "No, no that doesn't bother me at all. I knew what becoming an officer would mean." She said shaking her head. Blackburn looked back towards the team. "So, the fact that the person who used to hold a role similar to yours is now hanging out with one of your best friends is irrelevant?" he asked referring to Sonny. Lisa looked down and bit the inside of her lip. "Lisa, you have to find balance. There are things you can't control. If you drown yourself in your work, it's inevitable there will be mistakes because you couldn't see clearly. You've got to find a balance" Lisa nodded her head in response and smiled, it was the best she could do at the moment as she felt emotions well up. "You're doing great" he told her as he patted her shoulder and left.

Mandy walked over and grabbed a beer from the cooler as Sonny was standing there with it open. "Well, I think I just pissed off Davis" she told him as he handed her a drink. "Huh?" Sonny asked not following. "I went up to say hi and tried to talk to her but.." she took a sip "it just seemed like…I don't know" she shrugged not being able to find the words. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. The job has changed her a little, I think. I guess it has to" he replied with a sadness in his eye that Mandy hadn't seen before. "Must be hard on you. You guys were best buds" she said, knowing they hung out a lot, remembering when Davis had invited her to go as well. "Ah, that was ancient history now" Sonny told her, even though the conversation made the wounds feel fresh. Mandy studied Sonny's reaction. "Whatever happened with that girl you were seeing when we were in Guam?" she asked "Didn't work out" Sonny laughed because he didn't know what else to do. "She get a new job?" Mandy asked. Sonny laughed as he took a drink "You trying to interrogate me Mandy?" he joked. "Nah, just asking on a hunch. Must be hard and then to have to keep it quiet" she said shaking her head… "I'm sorry and my lips are sealed" she assured him. Sonny smiled and fist bumped her before walking away. There was a little part of him that felt relieved that someone else knew and sympathized with him. Then again, it just re-opened un-healed wounds again.

Blackburn came over a little while later. "Hey Sonny" he greeted "How's it going?" he said taking a seat. "Uh, good. You?" Sonny asked wondering what he had done. "Good" Blackburn nodded before sitting back. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you" he began as Sonny felt uneasy, "about Davis" Blackburn explained. Sonny almost choked on his beer and started coughing. "Sorry… went down the wrong tube," he said shaking his head. After seeing that Sonny was ok Blackburn continued, "she is drowning herself in work and it's going to burn her out fast. So, if at some point there's some downtime, if you could make sure she takes a break and steps away. I know you two were always close and that's why I'm coming to you about it. Obviously, it's nothing official but just as a friend." Blackburn explained. Sonny nodded. "You've got to be kidding me he thought." He carefully allowed the next words to come out. "I think too, she has frat concerns and doesn't want someone thinking they see something and it biting her" he said looking at Ray. "Listen, that's the least of my concerns. If someone has an issue they'll have to address it through me." Blackburn replied as he stood up. "Alright. I'll see what I can do" Sonny replied knowing that now he was even more screwed. Blackburn was not saying a romantic relationship was ok or that he condoned it, so now Sonny had to figure out not only how to get past his hurt but not cross that line while now making it look like he was ignoring what Blackburn asked. "Ugh!" he let out as he pulled his hat down to try and get some sleep.

On the ground they guys awaited their orders. Sonny stood outside of the building near a fire pit just staring at the fire. Mandy walked out, "hey there" she greeted as she bumped her shoulder to his and handed him a beer. "Oh" Sonny said jarred out of his thoughts. "Hey…look at you. Thanks" he said opening the bottle. "You ok?" Mandy asked "Yeah, I'm great" he laughed "I'd be better if we could get this thing rolling." Mandy laughed. "Yeah, I here ya" she replied then paused as she saw the sadness on his face. "You know, you and I…" she began "aren't really all that different" she told him earning her a laugh. "Um, yeah, no I uh" Sonny laughed "Seriously, we both prefer to be in the action and not avoiding it. You don't want to be Bravo 1 or something that would take you away from doing the actual work. I don't want to be behind a desk in the agency playing politics and not getting the actual work done." She explained. Sonny nodded, she had a point. "Well, I'm glad to know I inspire you" he said smiling. Mandy rolled her eyes. "I also thing we're both really bad at letting people in, and when, if we do and that goes sour we retreat" she said in an attempt to get him to open up. "Are you trying to shrink me?" he asked looking at her. "No" she rolled her eyes. "Hmmm. Sort of seems like you're trying. The Navy hasn't been able to do it so now the CIA is going to try. Next thing I know I'll wake up strapped to a bed with monitors on my head" he said taking a drink. Mandy shook her head "I can't. I just… can't" she laughed. "Look, I'm just saying, if you ever need to talk I'm here" she offered. Before Sonny could reply his phone was going off. "Duty calls" he said as they headed in. "Oh you guys hang out now?" Clay asked as Sonny and Mandy entered the room. Davis tried not to look over their way. "I'm irresistible, what can I say?" Sonny joked. "You? Ok, well, you're the one that said in five years if we aren't attached we'll marry each other… I just want to make that known now" Mandy joked. Lisa's head shot up as a reflex and it caught Sonny's eye. "Who's getting married?" Jason asked as he and Ray entered the room at the end of the conversation. Mandy, Sonny and Clay laughed. "Apparently Sonny and Mandy in five years" Clay replied. Jason looked at them both confused. "It's a joke." Mandy mouthed as Blackburn cleared his throat and Lisa began to brief them.

Lisa almost purposefully seemed not to look at Sonny or Mandy. As the guys left to get geared up Mandy walked up to Lisa and Blackburn. Once they have the target I'll interrogate him to find out when the arms shipments are supposed to come in. "Sounds good" Blackburn replied grabbing a folder and heading out. "You ok?" Mandy asked Davis. "I'm fine" Lisa snapped back. "Listen, I know the job you're doing is hard. I know that I told you that you have to create walls, and walls help, but you have to remember to put doors in because if you don't this job, and what you have to do will eat you alive." Mandy tried to sympathize. "I've got it under control" Lisa replied getting her things and heading out the door.

The guys successfully grabbed the target and headed back in. They were headed outside for some drinks when Sonny noticed Davis was still in the make shift command room. He walked inside "hey, we're going to have some drinks, celebrate a successful mission" he explained as he rocked on his heels, his hands firmly in his pockets. Lisa didn't look up from her computer "sounds nice" she said dryly. "You should come out and have a drink, it was your target package" he said stepping a little closer. "I've got some stuff to do" she replied.

"Hey, look at me" he said as he felt the tension in the room. She reluctantly looked up. "You should come" he told her again. "Mandy will be out of interrogation soon, I'm sure she'll keep you busy" Lisa snapped back. She knew there was absolutely nothing going on between the two of them, but it didn't make her any less jealous at the fact Mandy was the one getting to laugh and joke around with Sonny while Lisa herself had to worry about building walls to keep him out.

"You know Davis, I'm not the one who changed. You walked away, not me. You know damn well there's nothing going on there but if you want to pretend so that you make yourself feel better…" he stopped and held his hands up.


End file.
